Saturday, January 1, 2011

Biggest Wastes of Time in 2010

Some of these movies were merely disappointing. I go into every film I see wanting to love it. It is tough to spend 10 or 12 bucks to see something that you wish you had skipped. The thought always pops in my head, "Wow, what could I have seen instead that would have been a better choice?" On the other hand, some movies just piss me off. They take a great idea and screw it up, or there is a good movie that is messed up by a single bad element, and some of them just star Will Ferrel.

This is one of those innocuous movies that promised more than it delivered and as a result was a disappointment. Steve Carrel and Tina Fey should have been hysterical and they were barely pleasant. Their gifts were not properly used and the movie turns into a loud chase film that could have featured anyone. Mark Wallberg was fine, but his main contribution was the display of his abs and you got that in the trailer and commercials.

This movie does feature Tom Selleck so it is not a complete waste. The idea is not bad, but Ashton Kutcher is miscast, he is not believable as a spy or a tough guy and Katherine Hiegl is about to exhaust all the goodwill I got from her on "27 Dresses", a film that was better than it should have been because of her. The cute meet couple on the run from spies genre had three entries this year, "Killers", "Knight and Day", and "The Tourist". Tom Cruise is the only one that came out of this still looking like a movie star. This film features the worst poster of the year, it looks like nothing and says nothing.

I should have known better but it was a romantic comedy for the sweethearts weekend and everyone else in the family wanted to see it. Not bad but not good and there are so many people in it that it should have been better. Of course that is usually a warning sign, a big cast in an ensemble piece and none of them is featured, it screams out "Program Filler". You won't hate yourself for seeing it unless you skipped a chance to see "Kick Ass" one more time, and then you will be depressed.

I have a big crush on Amanda Seyfreid, she is a doll and I thought the real star of last year's "Jennifer's Body". So it pains me to say that she was wasted in this. Again, I don't have high hopes for amazing experiences at a standard romantic comedy, but I do count on the stars to charm me for a couple of hours. Since I am already in her pocket, why didn't it work? Mainly it failed because the story had no surprises, it was told entirely in the trailer. I need a little suspense even if I know in the end everything is going to work out. The better movie would have featured a real story about Vanessa Redgrave and Franco Nero.

Too much CGI, Too Much Jake Gyllanhall and Too Cookie-Cutter. The setting is fine but the movie is so frantic and there are so many action shots that are just digital manipulation that I did not give a damn. Ben Kinglsey needs to get a good movie again, he has done way too many of these things just to get paid. If the looks of a movie were all that mattered, this and "Tron Legacy" would be on the top ten list, but you need more than just some great art director's vision to make a story work.

This one was maybe the biggest disappointment of the year, I had looked forward to it from the time it was announced and the first images sucked me into hoping for something really special. The 3D was one of the first times I've been irritated at the process from the get go. The edges looked muddy and the eye-popping visuals did not pop. I might like this better if I saw a 2D version, but then there is still the problem of the story. Not much of "Alice in Wonderland" except for the characters is in the movie. It becomes a retread of the Chronicles of Narnia, without the bland personality of that series. Johnny Depp barely made an impression in the role of the Hatter. This is the first movie on this list that pissed me off rather than just disappointing me.

Another 3D miss, no wait it wasn't in 3-D, so why did they make it?. I saw the first Nightmare with Dolores in 1984, we sat in the back row of the United Artists Theater in Pasadena and were creep-ed out and loved it. This I saw with Amanda, and it just sort of sat there. I like Jackie Earle Haily in the Freddy Kruger role, but the story was not really told in a fresh way and there is almost nothing I remember about the new characters. I don't object to remakes, but you need a reason to do them, and there was no reason here at all.

I almost forgot I saw this, and I did forget what it was called for ten minutes. That is a frustration because I like Wes Craven films in general and horror films are a guilty pleasure that rarely disappoint me. This movie was in 3-D for no particular reason, and the characters are motivated by exactly the same justification. Amanda and I saw it and we were the only ones in the theater, the lights came on during the last fifteen minutes and it barely distracted from the bunch of nothing that was going on up on the screen. I cannot remember a single face from any actor in the movie. This is the second Wes Craven inspired film on my list, Wes you better payoff on "Scream 4" or there will be hell to pay (but not me anymore).

Probably the stupidest movie I've seen in the last ten years. The poster image and trailers promise freaky awesome concepts and scares, and it delivers on none of that. It comes down to angels battling each other with machine guns for no particular reason. There was no suspense, no real horror and no point to it all. I wanted my money back immediately and I want the two hours back so I could go see something less crappy.

My pick for the worst movie of the year. I think Will Ferrel has been fine in the past, but I do not like Anchorman at all. This role takes whatever charm Ron Burgundy supposedly had, and drains it from Ferrel so that he is just loud, dull and boring. I heard people in the theater laughing when I saw it, and I turned around to see what they were doing that was so funny because they could not be laughing at stuff going on in the movie. Humor is a very particular taste, some people enjoy the strangest things. I think I'm one of those people, I laugh out loud at stuff others have not appreciated in the same theater with me. My response to this movie was exactly the opposite. I smiled once and never laughed at anything. This may very well be the last Will Ferrel Movie I ever subject myself to.


Anne Yenny said...

The ONLY movie I saw on your list was Valentine's Day. MEGA disappointment.

douglas said...

Hilarious! I prefer reading the reviews to some of the movies.

Hollywood Consumer said...

Pretty much agree with all you said. You should read my lists. It shows how alike we are :)

douglas said...